I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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