upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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