dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
