I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
