Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
