If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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