just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
