It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
