Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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