So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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