You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
