Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
