A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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