if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize