He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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