you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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