I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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