are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize