I wanna bring you to show and tell
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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