I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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