Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
