its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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