I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
