We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
