We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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