a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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