i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
