Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
