I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
