I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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