I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
