He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
