the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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