You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
