Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
