It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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