Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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