Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize