Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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