But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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