in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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