I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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