so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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