You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
