No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
