im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
