Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
