I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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