I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
