He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
