I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
