Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
