Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
