i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
