Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
