Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
