is your mom at the bar?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
