I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
