I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize