Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
