obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
