I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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