Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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