after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
