You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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