nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
