I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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