When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
