8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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