I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
