He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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