Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
