i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
