Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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