oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
