How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
