You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
